I'm not sure if I'll eventually complete this post and have it published or would have the draft done half way and it forever stays a draft like the last two.
I can't really decide what words I should use to describe how I feel anymore... Coz it just keeps getting worse.
Ever felt like your future looks so weak you feel like you're gonna be a loser the rest of your life? Ever felt that you've tried so many stuffs but nothing is helping? Ever felt like you feel stuck and you might just be stuck for a very long time?
That's exactly what I'm made up of right now.
My goals are seemingly fading... Do I still want the same things? Because it seems like the current situation does not allow me to balance between life goals and family, it's almost a flat out mission impossible. It's one way or other... And I'm tired trying.
I've come to a point where I've stopped trying for certain things. I've tried till my disappointments have run empty. If I no longer get very angry at the usual things, it's probably because I'm done trying with you.
My faith is leaking and running low too; I don't know what or who to believe anymore. Praying seems more like a greeting of respect rather than a hope for miracle.
Everyday is just passing like a day I gotta go through with. Everyday I feel the pinch when I see healthy children, every one of them pricks my heart. There's no hatred don't get me wrong, it's more like turning that knife that's already stabbed into you.
And that's... how I spent my birthday two days ago...
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